Let's talk about the guilt of asking for more
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Welcome to Mind Over Money, a weekly newsletter where I provide actionable ideas to help you transform your relationship with money to build financial confidence and independence.
Today's topic: Worthiness wounds
I once worked as a management consultant. The kind of job where your suitcase is always half-packed and your inbox never sleeps.
The hours were terrible. The pressure was constant. And over time, my social circle quietly shrank. Friends stopped calling to hang out because I was always on the road, always catching flights, always trying to prove I belonged in those high-stakes rooms.
I don’t miss much about that lifestyle.
But there is one thing I sometimes think about: the travel perks.
One day, after months of brutal client work and late-night emails, I got an automatic upgrade to first class on my flight home. Just like that—my elite status bumped me up. It was the first time I’d ever sat in that part of the plane. Leather seats. Real glasses. Free champagne.
And yet…I couldn’t enjoy it.
I spent the entire flight trying to shrink myself. I kept wondering if the flight attendants or other passengers could tell I didn’t pay for the seat. Could they see I didn’t belong?
That feeling is what I call a worthiness wound.
I should’ve been proud. I’d clawed my way to that seat—mile by mile, night by night. But the worthiness wound doesn’t care about logic.
Instead, my mindset whispered things like:
- “You didn’t pay full price, so don’t get comfortable.”
- “You haven’t suffered enough to deserve this.”
- “Don’t let anyone see you resting.”
The truth is, even when financial well-being shows up—when we get the promotion, the raise, the upgraded seat—we often struggle to receive it.
And if you’ve ever overdeliver, undercharge, or downplay your worth to stay small and safe, you’ve felt it, too.
What's the Worthiness Wound?
The worthiness wound is the belief that you must earn the right to financial well-being—through struggle, sacrifice, or near-perfection.
It often forms early:
- Maybe you were praised for being “the helpful one,” so receiving felt selfish.
- Maybe you grew up hearing “money doesn’t grow on trees,” so you learned not to ask.
- Or maybe you saw people with money portrayed as greedy or out-of-touch, and you vowed never to be that person.
Over time, these messages compound. And without realizing it, you begin to:
- Undercharge or overdeliver in your business or job
- Downplay your achievements to avoid standing out
- Reject gifts or support, believing it’s better to do it all yourself
- Avoid investing because growing your wealth feels… uncomfortable
The truth is, no budget or spreadsheet can solve this.
Because this isn’t about money. It’s about believing that you deserve it.
How to Heal the I Don't Deserve Wealth Story
The good news? This wound is not a life sentence.
It's a story—and stories can be rewritten.
So how do we rewrite this story? Here are five powerful ways to begin building self-trust and a new relationship with wealth.:
1. Practice Receiving Without Apology
Start small. When someone compliments you, don’t deflect—just say “Thank you.” When someone offers to pay for your coffee, let them.
These moments train your nervous system to receive without guilt. And if it feels uncomfortable? That’s okay. Growth often does.
2. Price Your Work Based on Value, Not Effort
Many people—especially in caregiving or creative fields—tie income to hours worked. But impact matters more than time.
Ask yourself:
- What transformation do I help create?
- What is that worth to the person receiving it?
Value-based pricing honors both your skill and the results you deliver.
3. Remember: Money Magnifies Who You Already Are
If you’re generous when you have a little, you’ll be generous when you have more.
Wealth doesn’t corrupt—it amplifies.
If your heart is kind, your money will be used kindly.
If you care about your community, your money can help you support it.
Wealth in the hands of emotionally intelligent, values-driven people is a good thing.
4. Visualize the Legacy You Want to Leave
Think beyond yourself. What does wealth allow you to do?
- Take care of your parents as they age
- Create a college fund for your children
- Support causes that matter to you
- Build safety, stability, and choice into your life
When wealth becomes about service, guilt has a harder time sticking around.
5. Track Evidence That You’re Already Worthy
Keep a “proof file.” Each time someone thanks you, pays you, refers you, or tells you you’ve helped them—write it down.
These receipts become your new narrative:
You don’t have to earn worth.
You simply need to own it.
Final Thoughts
Let’s say that again: You deserve to feel supported, secure, and whole.
Not because you worked 80 hours this week. Not because you hit some invisible standard of “enough.” But because you are a human being with gifts, dreams, and value to offer the world.
You don’t have to prove yourself to be worthy of rest. Of joy. Of abundance.
And when women like you heal the worthiness wound?
We. All. Win.
Remember that!
p.s. This is the third of an email series about 5 common emotional money blocks. Here is what you missed: